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-Identity_Crisis 2nd Compilation Album-
-Demo XFADE-

The concept of this one, is very simple, as it has been worked as various releases regarding teh same title. The original idea is to connect all of these MERmÉX series in one "storyline".
There are 2 rules in these series: 1 Original track (which will be the theme of the album), and remixes.

The album Concept
First, regarding the art.
The girl is the inocent person who tries to force the entrance fo her heart what undesirable things. The magenta crytal is her heart, and she is actually being forced to accept what she does not want. Her face is of someone who just gave up fighting the "Vultures".
The creatures arround her, are the already formated believers of the Society, and they are the ones to force her to be what she is not. While they do that, her body slowly disappears, because, she is becoming something else other then herself.

The original track of this album, is the image song fro that girl. It shows her personality of a happy person, who runs to live. Do not confuse with "running for life", because that is the same of Survival representation. She actually Runs With Life.

The remixes are a bit of a complex symbol. Each track has it's own meaning. They follow a precise plot for this album.
"Transparent(Le Dos-on Remix)" is the Girl that tries to be herself and being Transparent to the other people. In this song, the female screaming simbolizes her nature of free will.
"Pleasure (Hardcore RMX)" symbolizes how society puts Pleasure above all. Pleasure and comfort is what Mankind puts at first, and then maybe they can fight for human rights and such. Sadly, in some distorted way, this is learned in schools for the children.
"Underneath (DJ Genki Remix)" this song is the reaction of the girl to the previous track. If you listen the lyrics, you will get it.
"Falling again, I try to stand up, My back on the wall.
And no place to hide, Seems like there's no way out, Out of myself.

Underneath, I'm calling for, One more chance to believe. Burning down, All the lies, I pulled from the safe and vast, Underneath.

Ones dead, One red, One feel closer, Heading far away.
Wish I could see, Wish I only realize, I'll never be the same,  Be the same again."

"No jobs (XIO mix)" what is this song? Easy. Society makes you have the job you hate the most, and not able to be one that would help you achieve your dreams. Instead, according to your Curriculum, you are only fit for something that will not be on the way to achieve your dream, but rather taking that dream far away from you.
"The Pride of SOLID(Le Dos-on Remix)" Is the Pride that  Society has in keeping you tight leash...
"班長のPinzoroStep(ノーカウントMix)" ...and beacuse of that tight leash, organizations to fight system are created and seen as terrorists, because they stand for the real freedom and never harming anyone, they are criminal, because they fight dor human rights.
"mata ashita (DJ Noriken Bootleg Mix)" The Girl is sad about she has been target of by society. Someone tries to cheer her up, and saying always that she needs no smile, tomorrow is another day. So "we just always want to see your happy face". In this song, the ignorance is the deal. "Ok, society wants you to be something you are not. Dont think about that, just smile." That is not even helpfull, instead it makes someone feel even worst, because this person is not actually even bothering to help with a better conclusion. This person is actually accepting Society as she is.
"I'm in Heaven  (XIO Remix)" once again the Girl tries to run away, to her world and trying to keep herself sane. She thinks of someone that might help her to stay the original personshe is:

"I have nothing in my life, If I don't have you standing by my side
All I needed was some time, I know that in the end I'll make you mine

When it feels like I'm in heaven, And you hold me in your arms again
We will always be together, Won't you stay another day

I can feel it in the air, The heat, the sound, the music everywhere
I pray tonight will never end, So won't you hold me in your arms again"

"Tsukema Tsukeru (DJ HKT's bootleg MIX)" here the satiric issue is for Japan. "Be Cute like us". Japan culture is been so out and working as a disease in the world, that girls feel like hell because they are not japanese, and most Man have Asian fetish nowadays.
"Repeat (TSF Project Bootleg Mix)" the Girl tries one last time to fight for her own mind and herself essence. This time she is getting mad and insane, to stop the constant brainwashing:

"that's why I feel like repeat them
beat don't break down and just give me what I need
repeat what I feel"

"Mata Ashita (TSF Project Bootleg Edit)" sadly .. people continue to make her feel down. And these are people she trust and that continue to say "tomorrow is another day we just always want to see your happy face". If the people she trust don't help her out of her "suffering" then she quits, because, obviously they are not caring about that.
"Kick Your Legs 2008 (Impact Remix) + Underneath (Defekt Remix)(Mashup)" and with all her suffering inside her, she can only scream on her inside, since no one will listen to her.

Society winned over another victim of her definition by default, and killing the very true person she was, to loose for the futility and formated people Society needs, to keep tight leash on everyone.

And have you noticed? So much melodic music for all this concept.
Well, that is how the Society works. Pretty, undercover and deadly.

I take that by now, you all should know the Girl's real name.

-Identity_Crisis 1st Compilation Album-

This first release was actually a test for several issues.
One of them was, creating image songs. Better say, songs inspired by both the art and the album title.I
 one only did this little XFADE as I was testing if it would had a good acceptance or not. The artists of the house came up with interesting ideas. One of them was "oppai daisuki hardcore2010", since it was only based in the title. To better explain, OPPAI is the japanese word for women with (exagerated) big breast; so, can you get where the "HARD USER" fit? I admit I laughed hard with this one concept.
There are a lot of interestin visions, and yet, the album itself tells you a story if you do listen it well enough with your heart.
Though, "Lycoris" from nnn, was inspired in both art and title... and it just played it perfect with it.
Identity_Crisis Logo

2012 started with a lot of work and dedication to this project.
Identity_Crisis is my own music label for digital releases only and for free. The music style is Electronic and in the family of Techno and Hardcore mostly; but we still preffer to go arround some other styles. The compilation albums feature varios artists of the J-core world. Both artists within the Identity_Crisis circle and guests from other circles. ^_^
This project is all made with various concepts, and each album features a theme that is combined with both music compositon and the art itself.
The art is provided by オレンジ君, though the concepts are all worked by me, plus some poems that feature in some albums, to help getting a vision of what is about.
The concepts are mostly based in the world we live, and satirical issues to the society we live. Not only that, but also the psychological issues humans have toward it.

All music, art and poems, are all one big message to be learned.
The music is not just music, and the art cover is not just an art cover, just because it is. Everything has a meaning to be there. You just need to See it and Hear it. The track titles, the lyrics and voices in them have everything to do with the album title and the poems as well as the cover art.
The poems are just clues of what is the theme all about in the music. Figure it out with your own Inspiration, and show us you are not a robot with no thoughts of your own.

"Identity_Crisis shows you the real Crisis of the world beaneath the forgotten Identities."
- RF?-

Identity_Crisis Facebook
Identity_Crisis Website
Been a long time (1 year) since I have posted something in here. The whole year of 2012 was a year of personal projects. Projects that would fulfill my heart and mind, related to music. :)
I will need to get back here and continue Hikaru's journey. ;)
Will try to be back with more interesting posts. At least I think someone might think my LiveJournal is interesting. I might be wrong. XD

My quotes :D for Optimism (Part IX)

"One of the unfairness of this world is to Survive. In the wild world, that is not unfair. But in the Human World, ah , that is wilder and unfair, yes. The real Happiness, is the unknown word.
It is right that we need money to survive, but... we also need to Live. Not for the Society, but for Us!
So I prefer to Live, and not to survive and let myself to be the food for my work, as Society wants you to be.

That is why when I get home, I forget I even have a job.
My House, my Home, my World, my Freedom. Freedom is everything. To speak, to look, to shout, to be yourself.
I am a person, a living being, and I was Born to Live. Born to be Happy.
My world is my world, my Freedom, my Happiness.
My own state of mind of pleasurely thoughts of wonderful dreams that only I can imagine, as they are my own dreams.
My own rainbows, seas, clouds, winds, Zen.
This is how you fight for your Happiness, you real Happiness, that is inside of you, but you never knew there was. It is not happiness for having material thing; not happiness because you found your love; not happiness because you saw a movie. It is the Happiness inside your Heart that never came to the surface. The one Happiness that will teach one of the Meanings of to be Alive."

RF?- 2012.01.09


"If Mankind only thinks of their own assets, then who will think of the others?"
"If Mankind only exists to live for themselves, what will happen to those who could not even find a place to think about life?"

光 Hikaru 【Chapter 1 ひかり】


Stories may be creations for entertainment, may be tools to absorb messages, may be used as messages.
Stories are the conglomerate of letters, ideas, words, sentences. It is where we are free, to all eternity, to express every little synonym of feelings.


Happiness is something that for some it is easily achieved, and with that achievement... there is nothing more to do, because some think that life's mission is to be happy. I couldn't read this without disagreeing with it. Real Happiness can just come to us when, and just when, we really know what is the meaning of life.

【Chapter 1 ひかり】

Hikaru, is little girl who lives in Takikawa (滝川市), on the Hokkaido region, born in 26th August of 1986, and since young, she has never been able to have that little meaningless thing called "happiness". Why meaningless? Because it never meant nothing to her, besides, the people around her seemed like it was the best thing in whole universe. She just hated that. She hated because she was jelous of everyone who would say it. She hated herself not to have it.
Hikaru was born by mistake. A youth thing of her parents that ended up with an unexpected newcomer and not caring for the poor baby even once.
Since her childhood she was the target of all the guilt of others, being mocked at school, and has time passed, she quickly created her own way to protect herself. She just changed how she looks outside, but the inside still is very sensitive. People did not liked her eyes. Her eyes were almost as if it meant to kill you. She usually never talked and never had friends. Well, there were ones, but they were like the wind. "Easy come, easy go."
She was just so tired. Tired of living, of being alive. Tired of the world, tired of the people. Tired of hearing people, tired of seeing people. Tired.
The more she wanted to fight the more she felt at loss of herself. And when she feels like that, she would run away, in such deep anxiety, to her special place. Her own place where she could feel at ease and where her hears gone savor with so much delight so many harmonious sounds, like the river spring, the birds, the wind talking to the trees passing through their leafs, the fishes going up and down the river. This was her only place where she could scream. She screamed for help with so much will and sadness mingled together, that her tears were always coming as a sign of anxiety that someone could listen her and came to help. This special place, was where she could be herself.


One of the days Hikaru came to her special place, it was one of her most sad days she could remember. Parents decided do divorce, and again not caring for her, just decided that she would live with her grandmother, Nasasui (情水), mother of her father. These terrific news stroke her in such a negative form, that she could not contain her tears. She run like if it was the end of the world, run like everything was ending forever.
For the first time, she entered the forest screaming and crying. She was feeling like she was not going to take much more of unfortunate events happening in her life. She then looked at her reflex in the river, and saw her tired face, she wanted to stop, but she could not stop anymore tears to come, so she cried and screamed again. Her tears were mixing themselves with the river, that caught the fishes attention and they got near her. The birds stopped flying and came to the ground wanting to know what was wrong, they were feeling sad too for what was happening. They were seeing and feeling all her suffering at that moment and place. The wind blowed up Hikaru's hair to make her stop crying. She understood the wind and started to clean her eyes and wash her face in the river. After that, Hikaru looked at both wet hands. "These are my hands." - she said - "Hands open doors. Hands grab things. Hands create... but also destroy. These hands define me. I can open doors, grab things and create. Would never use you two for destructive meanings. You are my hands, my only friends. You are the only ones who can keep me alive...sane."
"That is not all the hands can do!" - a male voice spoke. Hikaru raise up to see where was the person that was watching her, the voice was very near her.
"You have so much to still learn." - said the voice again.
"Where are you? Who are you?" - said Hikaru with a distrustful face.
"I am Someone and I am Everywhere. But right now I stopped here because..."
"Stop joking with me and talk serious. Where are you, dammit?"
"Do you see that tree right behind you? The one in the center? I am going to need you to climb up to its top."
"What?"- said Hikaru making a weird look on her eyes, because she was starting to feel the man was just crazy or he had some blowed fuses.
"Believe you can only see me if you climb up the tree. Trust me."
"How can I trust someone that does not even know who he is?"
"Fair... But that is the only for you to see me."
For some seconds she thought of going way and ignore the man, but... "The hell with it. I like to climb trees anyway" said she to herself.
Hikaru started to climb the tree, as requested by the man.. "Are you still there?" - said Hikaru thinking she was left alone-
"Yes, I am. I am also waiting to see you. I have been talking here by myself without looking at you. I really do not like to speak without watching who is listening to me."
"You are joking again. Can't you say something serious? I heard your voice near me, it means you were watching me, pervert"
"Pervert??? Oh my. Please climb that tree fast. I am not pervert. You are getting everything wrong, girl"
"What will happen when I get to the top of the tree, hot-shot?"
"You will see me."
Hikaru started to feel stupid for doing what the man said, but her curiosity have win over her.
After Hikaru climbed to the top, she saw something incredible.

"世界中をひとっ飛び (Sekaijuu wo Hitotsu tobi / Somone Flying Around the World)"

Her eyes, and herself, could not believe what they were seeing. It was as if two different worlds are joining together. She was looking at and incredible sight of blue. The river was no more a river, it was an ocean. She could see other fishes, a whale, and, yes, a sphere inside the ocean.
"Do you see me now" - said the male voice.
When he talked, Hikaru put her hands on her mouth, she was amazed and yet she still did not want to believe. The male voice belonged to the whale. "You're a whale?" - she said - "How can you talk? Whales don't talk."
"Whale? What is a Whale? Never heard that."
"You are the Whale!" - said Hikaru with her hands still on her face and her eyes that were sure to be dreaming.
"Like I told you before. I am Someone. I know I am someone, because I am alive and I can fly to wherever I want whenever I want. I have a conscience, I think, I talk. I am aware of my sorroundings. That is pretty much everything I know of me."
"So you don't have a name?"
"Can ask what is that, too?"
"A name is a word, it is what people call you. My name is Hikaru."
"Name? It is used for what?"
"For people to call themselves, for better communication betwen people."
"You are lying!"
"I am lying? Why would you say that?"
"Because you have a name, and you can't communicate with people."
With those words, Hikaru sensed that they were true words, and that she has been just ignoring that fact and tried to believe in it.
"Yes, I am liar. My whole life is a lie. I just wanted to get out of this world. To feel free as the birds. Speaking of birds, you said you fly? Whales don't fly, swim."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I am. Biology is one of my cakes"
"Then jump."
"What?" -screamed Hikaru, while she was trying to balance in the tree-
"Why you want me to jump? If I jump I am sure I will die."
"Do not worry, jump. I can catch you from here." - said the whale with a calm voice
"Prove me!!!" - said she, if a bit of fright in her voice
The whale, with not much of effort jumped out of the water so high that it could hide the sun, and it was falling it entered the water an no water was spilled out of the ocean to the forest. Hikaru was still skeptical of all of that was happening. For her, it was just not possible. She was thinking if she was indeed starting to loose it. Hikaru started to analise the situation. "If this is all true, then I can finally have a reason to live. If not and I go meet Jesus, then I really have nothing more to do in this world."
"You better catch me." - said Hikaru to the Whale.
"Do not worry, I will"
Hikaru closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and started to envision all her life in so little seconds.
She was, at a first time, feeling like she was free from all teh heavy life of her.
Without thinking much she pulled out with so much strength in her legs and took the jump.
The whale also jumped out of the water and catch her. Hikaru fell on the whale back and when the whale was going to dive, Hikaru screamed, not of fear, but of happiness. She was doing something fun for the first time. She closed her eyes and entered the water with the whale. But something was different. Hikaru was not sensing she was in the water. She did not felt wet or even the water. She opened her eyes, and again, she was unable to believe what was happening. She was no more in her world.

"それでも強く生きる世界 (Soredemo Tsuyoku Ikiru Sekai / A World Still Living Strongly)"

"What is this place?" - asked her to the whale.
"This place is very big, there is som much to see. I myself I have not seen everything. It is called Universe."
Hikaru was amazed and tears of happiness were sliding down her face.
"I just thought of a name for you." - said she
"You did?"
"Yes. I name you Kojichuu. 'Koji' from Whale (Kojira) and 'Chuu' from Universe (Uchuu)"
"Thank you very much for naming me, Hikaru."
"First time you say my name." - said Hikaru trying not to laugh
"First time you gave someone a name?" - asked Kojichuu
"Yes. And you know. I really feel good about it. Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, you may."
"Can I travel with you? I do not want to go back I want to see more, and feel as alive as I am feeling now."
"If you are sure of your convictions, the it woul be my pleasure to have in my back and tail."
Hikaru was overjoyed with Kojichuu accepting her. She now just wanted to continue to explore what is happiness. She now was jealous of the people that were happy. She felt that she had been a part of her own beginning.

<To Be Continued>

Original Story by Ricardo Fontoura (RF? aka GεnΦmζyßεr)
Inspired in
かざあな drawings.
Pictures from

My quotes :D for Optimism (Part VIII)

角色设定:地衣公主 by ヒーンス

"My eyes see, without a doubt, any kind of glimpse best suited to them.
Seeing the deep colorful sliding of a pencil in a beautiful craft-work.
Life and Death, Black and White, Emotionality and Rationality, they all have their suited palettes."

- RF? 2011.11.27

Distorted Children ~Unaccepted Souls~

We are in the Edge,
We Feel the Pledge,

We are the Distorted Children

Nothing but vain, to define by vision
when anything is in vein, for absolution.
Awake the sleeping world, our dreams not made of thee,
take your over-thinking mind, to create the beauty,
one so exquisite to your own life
Their little mind wars, where is joy for them.

Distorted Children, Distorted People
Innocence, Hypocrisy.
They paint the light with black halo,
when we refused it they want us below
of the real truth we know.
Stand Up, your mind, your weapon,

To create the Dreaming Powerful cannon,
Take it higher, the ethic truthful beliefs,
Raise Up, words above and upon.

"I see you, for what you do not have,
you are not defined in this world.
Material life, the achieved dream of all.
Puppet drown, as we all had to crawl,
to forget the lies we saw, we had to call
the Mr. Legal Slavery, that helped to never recall,
the bad things we did, for our life to be fine overall.
This is the Good World you should Live."

Achievements, with murder and rape
Justified, with no choice to scape.
covering their past with a cape,
to just be living the present,
unethically Present.

Distorted Children, name giving by society,
refusing to be taken in lies as their propriety.
Using our minds to see the ignored truth,

against everyday lies they keep on shooting.

Gladly, we are the Distorted Children,
not part of the corrupted world they live,
we are here to stay and will not leave,
until definition itself dies
and no more forgotten lies
are allowed.

"Our minds and our hearts are full with ideals, dreams, ideas, unexplained things. Our minds are treasures for the future, for what we do now will change the tomorrow.
Chains of wisdom have been with us all throughout centuries. Some do not care about it, others do care, and do want to be themselves." - RF?

We are in the Edge, of the Madness of their Reality
We Feel the Pledge, Raping our Minds with Disgust
We are the Distorted Children, We are glad for it.
We are We, they are Nothing.
We see the truth, they see the lies.
We stay on above the light, they stay drowning in the black halo made by themselves.

"We are Distorted Children, just because we see things differently, society defines us as way of making us enter in despair to be part of Her. But we cannot deny what we see. And what you see, is what you get. You better accept it and not reject it." - RF?

Lyrics by Ricardo Fontoura (RF? aka GεnΦmζyßεr)
Pictures based on Tsutomu Nihei's BLAME! from various artists from www.pivix.net

"Some of us may suffer because most people do not like our eyes, therefore, do not like their inner self to be seen. Our eyes are not to be used just for entertainment. Everything in our body has its proper function and its own ability, but you choose whether for good or bad. At least you can decide, with your own heart and mind. We see what no one else want's, and we do not ignore what our eyes show to us, like they ignore all the truth that is right in front of their eyes.
But, since we are Children, we do not know how the adult world works. And because We are Children, we Dream too Much.
No. We do not Dream. We see our Dreams clearly, and we achieve them Believing Them." - RF?

The Horse & The Butterfly

18 November of 2010.
18 November of 2011. Is it that date already? Time really passed by so quickly and we even did not notice it.
We started trading words and thoughts, emotions and beliefs, and so much has been shared between us, 2 distant dreaming souls with... well... Dreams. Those same Dreams that in fact keeps us going through this life.
So much happened to us for 1 year. And so much we communicate in that space. Come to think of it, in 1 year, we did almost what in other normal circumstances would be done in maybe 3 or 4 years. Real Friendship.
Honored in my deepest feeling of my heart for such thing has Friendship. Specially to You.
I am still amazed how we manage to be so well connected in Mind so quickly, in what, again it normally takes much more time to that happen. Third person in my life to have such a mind connection on that level with me. Telepathy do exist, we just need to know what is Telepathy all about. Pretty much like Words.
Words are, and always have been, the biggest point of connection between people, may it be two persons or thirty persons, words are sacred when well used, and when that happens it achieves something far greater then those words; Sentences, the building of numbers (metaphor for words) for a well conclusion of an equation (metaphor for sentences) which most of times it is a very abstract equation that only is fallowed by those who well know the "writer", the "mathematician", the "Happy Wonder of Life".
Plus and Minus, are attractive factors,  in what in my opinion is what we have become at some own level decided by our minds, and maybe, Souls.
In another level we could use our "rebirth mark" to better explain it.
A Horse that runs after the butterfly. The Horse envy her because he too wants to fly so high above the clouds and see where dreams sleep, but the Butterfly also envy him for being able to feel such wind in his body that is not so fragile as her own. But in the middle of all this "envy", they learn with each other about each other, and that is the most incredible of lessons in life. To be able to turn negative to positive. Because in the meantime of everyday they meet, the Butterfly wants to teach the Horse how to fly, the Horse wants to teach the Butterfly about what really is the meaning of being strong. The Butterfly teaches the Horse that we use our Mind to Fly, and the Horse teaches the Butterfly that we use our Heart to be stronger.
A Mind and Heart, was all that was needed for them to be so well connected in their everyday sacred meeting.

The Butterfly Horse! The Complete Being! Born of Twin Souls (or Soul Mates)
In the "Soul Mate" or "Twin Soul" thing, it is not only referred for two persons who love each other, that is not a rule. A "Twin Soul" is just the person who old a deep connection and may have had something on past life influencing the actual life you have. We do not have just one "Twin Soul", we have more then one and it is not always related to loving relationship. It is also of friendship or family relationship.
In this case we place the Horse & the Butterfly for it. In which in most of the twin souls are referred has synonym of "being complete". Like you have a Heart and not a Mind, and your twin soul has a Mind and not a Heart. If you place 2+2 you get a complete unique being. A Butterfly Horse!

The Butterfly will feel the wind like she wanted to, and the Horse will fly like he wanted. Because it was just by accident that this happened to him. They committed their Bonds of Friendship toward each ones life, by those beautiful weapons of gracious and tenacious armless features of comprehension and understanding on each one's "Lights"; The Words!
They are Powerful. They are Beautiful.
They are Unique. They are Authentic.
They are the Freedom of everyone's Hearts & Minds!

The Butterfly Horse! The Complete Being!
Born of Twin Souls (or Soul Mates)

Never enough for the teaching of Mind & Heart.
The events occurring to it are wonderful and one life only experience, if well experienced.
Friendship is beautiful word and it may be even greater then Love. The seeds provided from that, although raw, will be the ones provided by each friend case, trading it with each other, and taking care of those seeds at their home. Well cared, those seeds will surely bring anything good about them and the word "Friendship".
Just like the story of the Horse & the Butterfly.
The Earth can surely meet the Air, and therefore a greater connection, with both, and with mutual Mind & Heart work taking place.

This is my present to you, my friend. :)
I am honored to meet you and call you My Friend. Do not forget, "Friends are Forever".
And so are the Feelings. ^_^